Fish Happens
by JetNoir
Summary: It had to happen. Dodgy plotlines. Insane parodys. Socks. It's the return of...The Purple Monkey! A surreal comedy, Volume Two of the Chronicles of The Purple Monkey.
1. EVEN MORE HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

**Note:** I'm having some problems with finishing New Beginnings, and as I was (and still am!) working on part two of From Despair To Where, this sort of popped into my head. I wondered what had happened to The Purple Monkey (and Harold/Number 6…such a brave sacrifice), and so here is Volume Two of The Chronicles of The Purple Monkey…Fish Happens!

**fishhappensbyjetnoir**

**EVEN MORE HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL**

**PSYCHOLOGICAL REPORT ON: **Dr Sid

**THE FOLLOWING IS PRIVATE AND IS NOT TO BE USED LIGHTLY**

I wanted to be free. Free as a bird to go around and up AND I'M BACK!

Has nobody heard of retirement? They had to arrest me to drag me back to the asylum, AND I'M THE FREAKIN' DOCTOR!

Sigh.

Calm breath.

My meditation teacher has been trying to get me to calm down. How can I? I presume you've read my file on poor Neil Fleming. He was released a month ago, a broken man…and refusing to remove his **purple monkey socks™ **so I believe his feet will begin to hum quite soon. And will probably be off-key.

Humming feet! What won't they think of next?

Dr Sid (whose first name, believe it or not, seems to be 'Dr') had been admitted, gibbering about an entity called The Purple Monkey. Due to my experience, with the aforementioned Neil, it was believed I might help the poor man.

_How wrong they were! Hello, this is Evil JetNoir Voice speaking…sort of. I thought that the almighty Purple Monkey was gone, and my work was over. Well, I'm back. Is he?_

Sorry, got a bit dizzy for a second. Where were we? Ah! Yes, Dr Sid.

I now record for posterity the sad tale of Dr Sid…and the extremely handsome, intelligent, Purple Monkey (occasionally referred to as 'PM')

My work is far from over…

LONG LIVE THE PURPLE MONKEY!

**_THE DOCTOR KNOWN ONLY AS JETNOIR_** **

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**Note:** I do worry about these. I wonder what would happen with General Hein if he were put in this position… perhaps the third story? Anyway, Dr Sid's first encounter is coming up soon. Hope you enjoyed it, and please review!

**Disclaimer:** Neil is copyright to Square Pictures; and the story (plus other characters) to me. This story has been written on the understanding that you may read it and print it out; but you may not pass it off as your own, hire it out, or sell it for money. You also may not put it on your own or any other web page without my express written permission. Thankyou!

**JetNoir**


	2. HAROLD

**Note:** Well a year and a quarter later, presenting the second chapter of Fish Happens. Yikes. Hopefully number three won't take so long… A warning: there's some moderate language.

**fishhappensbyjetnoir**

**HAROLD**

"You know, this is all your fault…" The Purple Monkey was unhappy. Why do I hear you ask. Oh, right, you didn't say anything. Anyway, not to spoil a good segue. Why?

A month ago, The Purple Monkey, innocent, charming, loveable dictator that he was, ruled over a bizarre world that is best described to us as Toytown vs. Wonderland (on rather a lot of speed). He managed his breathtaking coup d'état (which will be chronicled in the next story - if we every get that far), and deposed the current ruler, named the White Rabbit. _His_ predecessor, the Emerald Giraffe (also the worst swear word in the Universe), was exiled to the Wastes of the Eye. Who came before E.G.? Who knows. Monkeys only have a memory of three years.

And then there was Harold. The clown who wanted to be loved. Or even just to have a name.

"Number 6?" The Purple Monkey said, "Do you have a response."

"Harold," sighed the clown, "is what my name is. And I couldn't take being your slave anymore. Hence the sacrifice. And exile."

"Yes, to the Wastes of the Tongue. However, I have a cunning plan."

"Oh, bloody hell," muttered Harold, "another of your insane schemes."

"Yes, Number 6! I won't stop at that wretched place anymore! I will take over the whole world! For peace! Equality! And every enslaved pickled onion! And if you're a good boy, and help me, I won't demote you to Number 5!"

"Yea, gods, this can't end well," was the only thing Harold could say.

Meanwhile…

It is a quiet night, as somewhere on Barrier City #42, Dr Sid dreams peacefully, his cragged face wrinkled and blubbering like an overgrown baby.

Jeepers, there's a mental image I could do without.

Anyway, Dr Sid. Bedroom. Oh! Look to the window.

With no fanfare (or drum roll) whatsoever, a swirling set of lights exploded outside.

Through this portal reached a dancing purple paw…

**To Be Continued!**

**Note:** I'd like to thank Ovo, for coming up with several sublime blurbs (including this story) on her site 'Soul Haven' (there's a link on my main page) - mine always come out stilted and overlong. I definitely recommend you check them out. Anyway, I have no idea what's coming next chapter, but oh well. The Monkey made me do it…

**Disclaimer: **Dr Sid is copyright to Square Pictures; and the story, plus original characters to me. This story has been written on the understanding that you may read it and print it out; but you may not pass it off as your own, hire it out, or sell it for money. You also may not put it on your own or any other web page (that includes links) without my express written permission. Thankyou!

**JetNoir**


	3. SMILING CHOCOLATE, CHOKING PAINT

**Note:** Well, it's taken me longer than I would have wanted, but this is much harder to writer than it actually looks… And I'm terribly sorry, but the 'fell funny' comment, came from Scorsese's new film: The Departed.

**fishhappensbyjetnoir**

**SMILING CHOCOLATE, CHOKING PAINT**

"What in the world?" Dr Sid's voice called out softly, his voice as wrinkled as his face. And believe me, ladies and monkeys, _that's_ wrinkly.

He shivered (for after all he was dressed only in a nightgown) and gazed around him. He was standing on a wasteland, one that stretched out for eternity. It was soft, and slightly moist, and a fascinating shade of pink.

And before him stood a mournful looking clown, and a small purple monkey, doing a rather nifty little jig.

Dr Sid chocked…apologies, _choked, _on the very air he was breathing in, as the purple monkey stuffed a small _chocolate_ bar down his purple throat. That's why he liked dancing. He had to keep his little monkey body in trim. None of the ladies liked a chubby purple monkey.

"Hello," said the clown, "my name is Harold. I'm a clown, and although I have a smile painted on my face, I'm really crying inside."

This was too much for the poor scientist, who swiftly fainted; falling backwards, his pink fluffy slippers (which had somehow found there way onto his feet), flying upwards.

"He fell funny," said the purple monkey, his head cocking sideways, "how odd."

--

Sid awoke a little while later, to which he was greeted by with contempt.

"Just remain lying down old man, while I explain myself. Don't move or talk. You may breath, but only quietly. I am the Purple Monkey, deposed tyrant of millions, and this is Number 6, my unfaithful slave. He likes to pretend he has a name, but please don't encourage him. Now, I am going to take back my throne, and boil that wretched White Rabbit in his own juices. I want revenge! REVENGE!" He broke of speaking while a coughing fit engulfed him, which was only cured by Harold whacking him soundly on the back. The purple monkey glared at Harold.

"I get the feeling you enjoyed that." Harold let his painted smile do the talking; to which is took the opportunity to recite a little Shakespeare.

**(This is an advertisement placed within the story 'Fish Happens'. It has been placed by Harold's "Painted Smile", who is looking for an agent willing to take on a little paint, who is fluent in olde englishe, and knows eraepsekahS back-to-front. No time-wasters, or water please. Thankyou).**

"Enough interruptions!" screeched the purple monkey, "now, needless to say. I was trapped here. But by bringing you here, I can escape, and leave you in my place. Simple, no? Right, bye! Come along Harold! To Toytown vs. Wonderland (and where did I put that speed?)!"

He moved his arms, mumbled some words, and did his little monkey dance, and yet another portal opened. He grabbed Harold, and leaped through…

…but before he could manage it entirely, Dr Sid - in what could be said was one of the best decisions of his life - grabbed onto the monkey's leg.

He was dragged through the portal. To where???

Tune in next time!

**Note:** I honestly don't know what to say anymore. Chapter four should be done sooner rather than later, and I hoped you enjoyed it.

**Disclaimer: **Dr Sid is copyright to Square Pictures; and the story, plus original characters to me. This story has been written on the understanding that you may read it and print it out; but you may not pass it off as your own, hire it out, or sell it for money. You also may not put it on your own or any other web page (that includes links) without my express written permission. Thankyou!

**JetNoir**


End file.
